The Birth of a Mother and a Poetry Journal
Written by Holly Ruskin
Imagine you know where poetry lives. Can see it, nestled somewhere tangible. It’s home, rooted in the swell of somewhere real. Scooped into your hand where it sits, cupped by your fingers, and warmed in your palm.
To write poetry is to place your words gently down to rest. But to publish poetry…that is the plucking and the placing of them somewhere new.
I have been a writer all my life and a poet for just a fraction of it; almost two years, in fact. I started when my daughter was 4 months old, and we were in the grip of her first sleep regression. A time when she forgets how to sleep like a baby and must learn to ride the crest and fall of hourly sleep cycles.
Needless to say, I was exhausted and barely able to set pen to paper for a shopping list. Writing had been the bedrock of my life until becoming a mother, and now I was tumbled in waves more powerful than myself.
One afternoon, I was lying in the bath while my husband napped with our daughter. I knew I had just a short window of time to write something and felt the urgent tug of it. My tired thoughts wandered through the first few months of my daughter’s life, settling on the one constant of it all - the waxing and waning of the moon. Bound to change, just like the moon herself. And so, my first poem found its home.
As the months - and then the year - ticked by, I wrote more frequently and started an Instagram account. Being an introverted writer, I struggled with being so visible and found posting my work a constantly jarring process. Yet in this digital age, with nowhere tangible feeling like the right place to store them, I started to look at @mother.in.motion as an electronic scrapbook. I wrote all my poems to my daughter, or to other mothers, or sometimes to myself.
Once my daughter turned one, it felt like I was coming out of a dark and desperate time. The fog of very early motherhood was lifting, and I was clambering up into the light of parenting a small child, rather than a terrifyingly fragile and needy baby. It was around this time that I was able to look up from the small, insular world of social media and wonder where else I could set down my words.
Knowing nothing about poetry, I began googling and then submitting to various journals and lit magazines. It was an arduous process that had to be completed in 30 minutes or less; such is my limited spare time now. Of course, the rejections were numerous, and yet what I felt more than the sharp sting of embarrassment, was the desire to create a place that other poets - more specifically, that other female poets - could put their work. I followed so many talented writers on Instagram, some of them mothers, but almost all of them women. Their words had seen me through some of the darkest moments of my matrescence. Surely there was a way to build their poems a new place to live.
And so, I started a conversation with one of these poets whom I had collaborated with and admired greatly about setting up our own journal; safe space for women’s words.; somewhere that would reverently cradle the words of new poets who were looking for their first publication credit. I wanted to have a streamlined and transparent submission process that would ensure it would take just a few moments for these women to share their work.
Blood moon POETRY has been running for almost a year, we have put out 3 digital issues featuring over 50 female poets, and we are about to publish our first print anthology ‘Faces of Womanhood’. The journey has been full of steep learning curves and thrilling discoveries, taking me far beyond my little electronic scrapbook and into the exciting world of indie publishing.
I rarely write now, I’m too busy reading, sifting, planning. Working with creative women to pluck their poems and place them somewhere new.
So while becoming a mother is still the hardest thing I’m doing, it has been the blueprint for stepping out of my comfort zone. Looking beyond just myself and my own words.
Seeking the place where poetry lives. Scooping it into my hand and warming it in my palm, before placing it somewhere new.
HOLLY RUSKIN has been a writer all her life, but started exploring the poetic form after the birth of her daughter in 2019. She graduated with a BA in English Literature & Film, going on to complete an MA in Film, specializing in feminism and the representation of women. She co-founded ‘blood moon poetry’, an inclusive and welcoming place for female poets to submit their work for publication. Holly lives in Bristol, UK.
The anthology ‘Faces of Womanhood’ comes out in paperback on Monday, the 9th of August 2021, and will be available through Amazon. All profits made go to ‘Womankind Worldwide.’ You can find out more on bloodmoonpoetry.com and on Instagram.